Marriage & Social Stigma
"MARRIAGE" a girl hears it in very early days of her life when she is a kid, she gets to know the meaning of the same. The meaning changes and evolves though as she grows up.
MARRIAGE- Its a scary word for a teenager girl who is told every time she scores badly in exam that she might have to end up in early marriage if she fails in her career.
MARRIAGE- It's even more scary for an adult woman who has just completed 25years of her life and she is under constant pressure of different sorts from different types of people who surround her- be it her parents/ relatives or any elderly people whom she meets. She has to answer that question "When will you get married?"
MARRIAGE - How is it for a married woman? For this please read below:
Caution: The journey penned down here is very personal. Drawing general opinion based on this wont be right.
As I grew up when I used to spend time in playing, I had heard people telling my parents
"Start teaching her slowly how to do household stuffs, she is a girl after all; it will help her after marriage". In response, my parents would smile and nod their heads but they never bothered to teach me any of the household stuffs, rather they taught me how to organize my toys and keep them nicely and not to break them. Needless to say, I was a notorious kid who would try to open every toy I would get as I was interested in how a toy functions, and I would end up breaking them as didn't know how to put the parts together. Probably that was the time when my parents knew that I would pursue Engineering.
I was in my teenage days, when I thought of experiment with cooking. That time my school friends had started learning cooking stuffs and they would share their experience of cooking. It did influence me and I ended up trying my hands at the kitchen. Surprisingly my parents got very angry that day and they didnt allow me to enter the kitchen. They told me"Class 9 to class 12 is the time when one can make or break one's career. If you waste your time in all these petty stuffs then you would never end up building a good career of your choice."
I was disappointed that day. I failed to understand what is the clash between cooking and studies. My friends who helped their Moms at home in household stuffs used to score more than me in the exams. They used to tell me to pick up the household stuffs as it would help me in my life later. Even most of our relatives or elderly people who visited us used to tell my parents to teach me household stuffs as it would help me in my life post marriage. My parents did none of those. Neither I tried my hands at cooking or household stuffs. I continued to lead my life the way my brother leads or any Indian boy leads in his student life.
After completing my studies which included B.Tech and MBA when I entered my job life that time also, my parents never pressurized me to learn any of the household stuffs. They continued to encourage to settle in my career and focus on my job. I was leading a carefree life which included hanging out with my girls gang and exploring almost all food joints of the city.
Finally and suddenly I got married. When my marriage got fixed, all other elderly people excluding my parents got worried as I have not learnt any of the household work, how will I manage everything?
Just before my marriage I got a piece of advice from my parents which I replicated later in answer to the interviewer's question when she asked me (the interviewer was a foreigner):
Interviewer: " There was an Indian lady who was our Senior VP and she left the job as she got married. So, now that you are married how will manage your family and job at the same time"
Me (I was thinking at the back of my mind today in our country a huge percentage of women manage both family and career. if they can, why cant I?), aloud I said : " My work is my identity. The moment I stop working I would lose that. I cant afford to lose my identity. At the same time I can never forget that I am earning for my family. I cannot choose one for the other as for me both are equally important and I would like to balance the two and keep the two. Be it a man or a woman, everybody should earn not only for financial independence but for their own identity."
I might not be a great cook neither an excellent sweeper, but I manage my home well. Thanks to my parents for not teaching me how to cook when I was a student, rather they taught me to do right things at the right time and to focus on the present life and plan ahead for the future.This actually helped me later in my life when I started managing my very own family(thanks to my husband for his training part).
Now when I see people encouraging teenage girls to learn household stuff I feel its not at all necessary as this is not a rocket science and anybody can do it.If a pampered Indian guy who never even boiled water, can cook his own food after going to foreign country for higher studies then it is seriously not a big deal. Also if his scenario is not a very popular concept to be used as an example of managing home and career, then it should not be a big deal if a woman has to juggle between her family and career it shouldnt be hyped. Its all about the mindset. "Since I do job so I wont cook"- this is equally funny if a person says so be it a girl or a boy.
When I hear my married friends saying that after marriage the expectation from the bride is much more than the groom, I feel that expectation is more from girls as they CAN, they can give more to the family than their male counterparts; the expectation is more from a girl as the society knows a girl has more adjusting power than a guy. So, next time instead of bogging down by expectation pressure, think in this way that there is no shame in giving more, or working for the daily household stuffs not because we have seen our Moms or Grandmoms to do the household work but because we CAN make and build beautiful & happy homes, thats why the pressure is on us to give more.
So, today my weekdays look like - I wake up early, clean the house, cook for my family, get ready go to office. As I go outside my home towards my workplace and see so many married working women out there, I can hear the silent uproar of the vermillion on their forehead which says - " Yes, I am a Married Indian Woman and I CAN!"
P.S- Dedicated to all those who make home a better place to live in!
MARRIAGE- Its a scary word for a teenager girl who is told every time she scores badly in exam that she might have to end up in early marriage if she fails in her career.
MARRIAGE- It's even more scary for an adult woman who has just completed 25years of her life and she is under constant pressure of different sorts from different types of people who surround her- be it her parents/ relatives or any elderly people whom she meets. She has to answer that question "When will you get married?"
MARRIAGE - How is it for a married woman? For this please read below:
Caution: The journey penned down here is very personal. Drawing general opinion based on this wont be right.
As I grew up when I used to spend time in playing, I had heard people telling my parents
"Start teaching her slowly how to do household stuffs, she is a girl after all; it will help her after marriage". In response, my parents would smile and nod their heads but they never bothered to teach me any of the household stuffs, rather they taught me how to organize my toys and keep them nicely and not to break them. Needless to say, I was a notorious kid who would try to open every toy I would get as I was interested in how a toy functions, and I would end up breaking them as didn't know how to put the parts together. Probably that was the time when my parents knew that I would pursue Engineering.
I was in my teenage days, when I thought of experiment with cooking. That time my school friends had started learning cooking stuffs and they would share their experience of cooking. It did influence me and I ended up trying my hands at the kitchen. Surprisingly my parents got very angry that day and they didnt allow me to enter the kitchen. They told me"Class 9 to class 12 is the time when one can make or break one's career. If you waste your time in all these petty stuffs then you would never end up building a good career of your choice."
I was disappointed that day. I failed to understand what is the clash between cooking and studies. My friends who helped their Moms at home in household stuffs used to score more than me in the exams. They used to tell me to pick up the household stuffs as it would help me in my life later. Even most of our relatives or elderly people who visited us used to tell my parents to teach me household stuffs as it would help me in my life post marriage. My parents did none of those. Neither I tried my hands at cooking or household stuffs. I continued to lead my life the way my brother leads or any Indian boy leads in his student life.
After completing my studies which included B.Tech and MBA when I entered my job life that time also, my parents never pressurized me to learn any of the household stuffs. They continued to encourage to settle in my career and focus on my job. I was leading a carefree life which included hanging out with my girls gang and exploring almost all food joints of the city.
Finally and suddenly I got married. When my marriage got fixed, all other elderly people excluding my parents got worried as I have not learnt any of the household work, how will I manage everything?
Just before my marriage I got a piece of advice from my parents which I replicated later in answer to the interviewer's question when she asked me (the interviewer was a foreigner):
Interviewer: " There was an Indian lady who was our Senior VP and she left the job as she got married. So, now that you are married how will manage your family and job at the same time"
Me (I was thinking at the back of my mind today in our country a huge percentage of women manage both family and career. if they can, why cant I?), aloud I said : " My work is my identity. The moment I stop working I would lose that. I cant afford to lose my identity. At the same time I can never forget that I am earning for my family. I cannot choose one for the other as for me both are equally important and I would like to balance the two and keep the two. Be it a man or a woman, everybody should earn not only for financial independence but for their own identity."
I might not be a great cook neither an excellent sweeper, but I manage my home well. Thanks to my parents for not teaching me how to cook when I was a student, rather they taught me to do right things at the right time and to focus on the present life and plan ahead for the future.This actually helped me later in my life when I started managing my very own family(thanks to my husband for his training part).
Now when I see people encouraging teenage girls to learn household stuff I feel its not at all necessary as this is not a rocket science and anybody can do it.If a pampered Indian guy who never even boiled water, can cook his own food after going to foreign country for higher studies then it is seriously not a big deal. Also if his scenario is not a very popular concept to be used as an example of managing home and career, then it should not be a big deal if a woman has to juggle between her family and career it shouldnt be hyped. Its all about the mindset. "Since I do job so I wont cook"- this is equally funny if a person says so be it a girl or a boy.
When I hear my married friends saying that after marriage the expectation from the bride is much more than the groom, I feel that expectation is more from girls as they CAN, they can give more to the family than their male counterparts; the expectation is more from a girl as the society knows a girl has more adjusting power than a guy. So, next time instead of bogging down by expectation pressure, think in this way that there is no shame in giving more, or working for the daily household stuffs not because we have seen our Moms or Grandmoms to do the household work but because we CAN make and build beautiful & happy homes, thats why the pressure is on us to give more.
So, today my weekdays look like - I wake up early, clean the house, cook for my family, get ready go to office. As I go outside my home towards my workplace and see so many married working women out there, I can hear the silent uproar of the vermillion on their forehead which says - " Yes, I am a Married Indian Woman and I CAN!"
P.S- Dedicated to all those who make home a better place to live in!
Great to hear social cliché(s) are rendered useless atleast somewhere. When we limit ourselves into a path of society's know-it-all rules we kill the probability of becoming something better. You haven't. Cheers for that. Best Wishes.
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